“Wohnst du noch oder lebst du schon?” fragte mich das Radio neulich mal wieder. “Kennen wir uns?” fragte ich zurück.
Wer ist eigentlich dieser Pseudo-Schwede, der meint, er kenne mich so gut, dass er mich so mir nichts, dir nichts duzen darf? Flache Hierarchien hin oder her, ein bisschen Respekt wäre ja angebracht? Oder ist die persönliche Anrede ein Mittel zum Erfolg bei Tiefstpreisen? Ich bin ja quasi Mitarbeiter bei IKEA, sobald ich meine Möbel selbst zusammenbau, schließlich bin ich Monteur. Und zahle noch dafür!
Aber wenn der Chef die Mitarbeiter duzt, ist dann die Kommunikationsebene nicht zu persönlich? Ich weiß es nicht und wünsche mir die englische Sprache her, in dem einfach jeder ge’you’t werden darf. Ob Chef, Präsident oder Postbote, alle sind per You. Wir könnten uns ja ein Beispiel an IKEA und dem Englischen nehmen und einfach immer nur duzen. Und bei Gelegenheit die Artikel der, die und das einfach durch “dis” ersetzen.
Glaubst du, du schaffst das? – Ich kann dis, Zucker
Wer hat denn eigentlich den Furz in die Welt gesetzt, dass ein Busen männlich ist? Ich finde, es gibt kaum etwas weiblicheres als Busen. Dass die Logik weiblich ist, ist ja ein rein rhetorisches Stilmittel. Denn eigentlich passt Logik zur Frau wie ein Eiswürfel zum Fußboden.
“Dis” ist die Lösung aller Probleme. Sieht Frau Merkel doch genauso. Schließlich ist dis Internet für uns alle Neuland. Und wenn wir da nur noch einen geschlechtsneutralen Artikel verwenden, werden wir ganz international, alle lernen Deutsch und der IKEA-Schwede kann endlich ohne schlechtes Gewissen die Kunden duzen. Und “dis”sen. Moment mal.
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